Grace Like Rain

Goldilocks and the Glass Slipper

2009-11-29T02:50:00.005+01:00

Over the last year and half of my life, I felt like I fell somewhere between Goldilocks and the Prince searching for the owner of the glass slipper. The first major relationship was way too cold (spiritually). It didn’t fit at all. The next couple of men I tried to pursue (therein lay a huge problem), were still too cold or too hot. How could someone who’d never hurt like I’d hurt, and messed up the way I had, ever understand me and love me through it all?? The slipper was getting closer to fitting, but it just wasn’t right. I was still growing, little bit by bit, and decided I had to stop looking.
In the midst of my growing, which was aided in part by my reading of Soul Virgins (see previous post) and the influence of female friends, I wanted more for myself. I wanted to serve the Lord. I still made a ton of mistakes and faltered so much, but every little thing I could do to honor Him, I wanted to do. So a month ago I was given the opportunity to show a stranger the love of Christ. I joined a few of my classmates and peers from a local church in celebrating the life of a local man who was now homeless.

I wanted to show support for my friend, who had organized the event, as much as anything. Truth be told, by the time that day arrived I was tired, behind on school work, and not even really in the mood to go anymore. But I went. To my delight, my friend saw a miracle appear in the school parking lot as fourteen of us gathered to go love on and celebrate this stranger. Eleven of these people I had never seen or met, and at first I felt myself scanning the men for…possibilities. Then I caught myself, and scolded myself. “Emily, stop trying to husbandize every guy that walks in front of you. God wants you to have healthy friendships with men. These are men who want to serve the Lord. Be their friend and their sister.” So I made a valiant effort to do just that. For the next several hours as I served alongside other brothers and sisters, I tried to focus on the reason I was there. I talked to the others. I enjoyed God’s goodness and felt my heart overflow with His love as I watch this man be impacted by the kindness of a bunch of ‘kids.’

I was close to tears of joy as I drove my car full of servants back to the school. As the crowds dispersed, I found myself in the parking lot with one of the new strangers. He was fascinating. Yet every time I caught myself thinking about him in any way other than a brother, I had to recalculate in my head. So we talked. About the Lord and about life. This guy told me his testimony and the amazing saving grace that he’d experienced from the Father. I was so blown away by his story, and by his honesty with me, a total stranger. I was compelled to be just as honest about my life and my own struggles. At the close of about two and half hours, we both had places to be and we parted ways after an exchange of phone numbers. Still, I was sure this was just another friend. Nothing special.
The next day, I was surprised to receive a text message from that same gentleman. There was some playful, friendly banter back and forth, and I caught myself wondering what he was thinking. I was even more shocked to receive his phone call later that night. We talked for a long while before my befuddled brain finally confronted him. I asked him what his intentions were. So, flying in the face of my new-found discipline of not actively looking for a husband, was a man who was instantly drawn to me and wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with me. How ironic. We talked all through the night, and ended up at IHOP at 4 a.m. We watched the sun come up as we sat in the cab of his truck in the parking lot, just talking and sharing our hearts. The rest of the week wasn’t much different. But this encounter was definitely different. From the get-go, we’d told each other all of our junk; we knew about all the scars and warts in the other’s past. I have never before in my life understood so well what it meant to love someone with the love of Christ. That was exactly what I saw in this man’s eyes. He looked at me, through all the mess and garbage that had been my life, and he saw something beautiful. He loved me. The slipper finally fit and everything was ‘just right.’

...to be continued! ;)

New Lyrics to an Old Tune

2009-10-12T04:56:00.003+02:00

When I was starting high school (or maybe a year before) I distinctly remember the "True Love Waits" craze. It was a huge national phenomenon, worthy of news footage of acres of pledge cards on popsicle sticks in the ground. I participated, as did many of my peers, receiving a gold band that was to be worn on my ring finger until my wedding day. The church has always been really good at saying "no" and "don't," but in your teens and early twenties, sometimes more of an explanation is needed (not to mention some coaching along the way). In a perfect world, everything goes as planned and good intentions are enough. But, as you may have figured out in your own life, we don't live in a perfect world.

Often, non-Christians get the impression that the Christian church is full of hypocrites. After a bad experience with "church people" it's easy to get turned off. I'm not saying that there aren't a lot of hypocrites. Even Jesus himself said (in the Bible) that not everyone who claims to know Him, will be on the side of the Heavenly gates that they expect to. Theology of salvation is another blog, but the point I want to make (in order to connect my previous train of thought) is that a lot of Christians aren't so much hypocrites, as we are FORGIVEN. We are ALL sinners. Everyone on the planet. No exceptions. Jesus was the only man who ever walked this earth to be perfect. Even people who are "good" and have morals--and, yes, even Christians--are SINNERS. But the difference between the real, wholehearted Christians and all the good (and not-so-good) people, is that if you ask Jesus into you're heart, and believe in all that He is and did, and live your life following His teaching, striving to be more like Him, then you are covered by His GRACE. Christians still sin. But by the grace of God, we are forgiven, because Jesus died in our place and took the punishment. It's hardly something our human brains can grasp, but it's real.
Now, the connection... no matter what junk is in our past, we get a do-over. Like in the video games, when your character is killed, you still have another life to try and do something different and conquer the game. But unlike the games, we always (until death or rapture) have an extra life, in order to try and do it right.

So, no matter where you are or where you've been, hear me from this point on. You get a do-over. [If you're reading this and you're not a Christian and want to be, please email or comment me and I'll contact you and you can ask me anything. If I don't have an answer, I'll find someone wiser than me who does.]

I attended a class this weekend for my marriage & family therapy degree about human sexuality. This was not just a physiology or anatomy lesson. This was about God's design for our sexuality and how it functions in a healthy, Christian context. One of the books required for the class is called Soul Virgins. One of the co-authors is actually one of the teachers whom I had the pleasure of listening to this weekend, Dr. Doug Rosenau. Dr. Doug has researched and read and laid out an amazing theology for God's design for sexuality. Soul Virgins is very plain that true sex is to be saved for a covenant marriage relationship--we're taught that all our lives in church!! BUT, this book goes on to describe WHY it is so important. Not because God will strike us down (though there are consequences) and not because it will keep us out of heaven (though it does grieve God when we distort something so beautiful). There are reasons, bigger and more amazing than we can imagine, for us to maintain not only our physical virginity until marriage, but also for maintaining a much broader sense of purity. It's not just a "because I said so" answer. He gives godly reasons and practical understanding for how to approach relationships and how to deal with our sexuality as single people, without falling into sinful behavior.
There is so much more to it than I can write here and still be comprehensive, but I wanted to scream it from the rooftops and encourage all of my single friends (or married friends who have single friends or single teenagers, etc) to read this book. It's given me a whole new way to look at friendships and relationships--a whole new way of relating to people. Please get it, and read it--I promise it will be worth your time!

Social Experiments

2009-09-08T23:36:00.004+02:00

As a therapist-in-training, I've decided to be more aware of people around me. Not just 'close' around me, (which would be beneficial, as well) but humanity as a whole. I like watching people in different environments.

A lot of people confess to enjoying "people watching" but often we are too self-involved to even consider this option. I know I usually am. So, the other night I went somewhere out of my normal social circle. Initially, I was more worried about ME...and how I looked and how I was being perceived and what people were thinking of me. Then, when I had acclimated to my surroundings, I started noticing other people and their behaviors. I found it so interesting. Some people's actions were so predictable--some funny and some were actually sad. Other behaviors were surprisingly random. I cannot detach myself to do these experiments all the time, but when I can, I look forward to the results. My next "scheduled" experiment will be on October 4th, when I shall find myself at a Metallica concert. [VERY out of character for me!] It shouldn't be hard to detach myself there. And I am sure that what I find will be quite amusing. :)

It's About Time!!

2009-09-05T05:09:00.002+02:00

I know, for anyone who has kept up with me in the past, you probably think that I've fallen off the planet. But, for some new friends who really enjoy blogs, I've been inspired to catch up on my blogging! :)
I haven't posted anything here in over a year, so a lot has happened. Most people have kept up on networking sites, but I'll give a quick overview, just in case, before I start writing regularly.
Last summer's plans to go to China fell through and instead I filled those months with visiting friends and family all over the U.S. It was a bit stressful (I don't love airports), but mostly I enjoyed myself and all of the pleasure reading I was able to do (yay Twilight!). Someone who was quickly becoming a good long distance friend helped me find a place to rent in TN, where I planned to settle for a while and get ready for grad school. I moved into a small [crackerbox] house, where I paid rent for 8 months as I began to work, apply for school and build friendships. Then, in March of this year, I left my rental house to move into my very own house! It's not perfect, but I love it! I hope to slowly do some remodeling and really spruce it up.

In the meantime, there have been other adjustments. I started grad school in January at Richmont Graduate University (formerly PSI). It's a small grad school specializing in Christian counseling degrees with two campuses (one here in Chattanooga, and one in Atlanta). It has been hard learning to be a student again. I'm noticing some deficiencies in time management and motivation at times... but I'm getting there. I do love what I'm learning, though; I can't decide if the theology or the psychology is more interesting. I could do without summer and occasional weekend classes, however. :( If I can stay on track, I think I will graduate in May 2012. We'll see...

I have had trouble getting comfortable enough to find a church home here, but I think I might have finally found my niche. After some time has passed, and I settle in there, I will blog more about it. I really like the people there, the music, the "college" group, and the co-ed volleyball team I've decided to attempt that started this past week. Two hours of that is a great workout!

Speaking of workouts, I found a gym here that I love and am trying to go regularly. Since fall semester just started, I've got to get a good routine going. It's a really great place, though. It's an all-women's gym with great facilities, including steam room, sauna, fireplace room, awesome cardio equipment (complete with a cardio-cinema)...oh, and my favorite thing is the calendar of great classes! Lots of motivation to keep pushing yourself when everyone around you is doing it. They even call you if you don't come in for a while...they miss me!

A lot of things are evening out and I'm really enjoying living in Tennessee. One thing that kept my stress level high this last year was the stroke and subsequent illness of my dear, sweet Gran-Gran. After several months of deterioration, she went home to be the Lord on July 26. :( I miss her a lot, but I smile when I think of her and Jason sitting around talking. She loved him so much, right from the start. It's been over two years and I still have days of heartache. The most recent was only yesterday, when I found out one of my fellow army 'sisters' lost her love. I felt myself reliving that day, the numbness, the dull ache in my chest...the lost, empty feeling that just lingers. Still, I know, like I did on May 6, 2007, God is fully in control and He can heal broken hearts.

It is past bedtime and I'm overdue for sleep. Check back and I will try to keep up from now on. :)
In His Grace,
Em

I know, I know....

2008-07-14T08:25:00.006+02:00

I'm late with the updates, yes! :( So, better late than never, here goes....
I flew back to the States on June 22nd. It was a late night, but I made it. I had a great two weeks with my friends and family in the South. My grandmother was beside herself, she was so excited to see me. Also grateful for her custom made jalaba that I brought back as a souvenir for her.

My cute little nephew (Scooter) Kaden is now using the big boy potty, so he also has a big boy haircut--they cut off all his beautiful curls!!
I also got to see my new "niece" Ella Kate (Eleanor Katherine) and my best friend Juli. I had a blast doing a little photo shoot with Eleanor. I'm still a total amateur, but I have fun doing it anyway.

I spent a few days taking care of business at the bank and meeting with my accountant (not so fun) and a couple days getting some summer clothes that fit. I was able to spend a day with my friend Cara in Birmingham.
My first real Sunday home was hard. Since it was the Sunday before the 4th of July, our church celebrated God & Country Day. I'm glad they do it, and it was beautiful, but I practically cried a river. I don't think I'll ever hear Taps and not cry now. Or the National Anthem, either, for that matter. [I cried at graduation when the Star-Spangled Banner was sung. I didn't expect it that time...]

So overall, it was a great visit back home.
On July 2nd, I met some friends up in Huntsville for dinner. I was spending the night in town and flying to Seattle the next day, on my way to China for two months. That next morning, hours before my flight, I got an email from my would-be boss in China telling me that some things had come up and they weren't going to be able to bring me over.... Just like that! I wasn't mad or sad or anything, but it felt weird--all of the sudden, I didn't have any plans and didn't know what to do. Since I'd already bought my flight to WA and I wanted to visit friends, I got on that plane and flew to Seattle. I had a great 4th of July weekend with friends on the lake (a little more sunshine would have been nice, but--hey!--it's Washington!)

I've been able to relax and chill. My friends from church have been more than accommodating in loaning out bedrooms and apartments. While I have been spending some time with friends, I have had some nice alone time, too. I read over 1600 pages in about a week...a series I'm totally hooked on! (Twilight books) I'm itching to read the next one that comes out on August 2nd (and the movie comes out Dec. 12).
Now that I'm not going to China, I'm going to take a short trip to Sacramento to see my awesome friend, Emily ;) then hang out in WA for another week before flying south to see my mom in Florida for a couple of weeks.
After that I really do have to get some things in order: a job, an apartment, GRE this fall, then grad school in January.
More to follow and I'll try to do better with my updates.

Honoring Heros

2008-03-26T12:14:00.005+01:00

I read recently that the U.S. soldier death toll in Iraq just hit 4,000. That means more women & men are losing their husbands, wives, fiancees, brothers, sisters, more parents are losing their sons & daughters, and more little children are losing their mommies & daddies. I don't pretend to understand or know why, but I trust that God is still in control. And I'm really thankful when people recognize and remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice. One of my military brothers (we're all one big family, you know), one of Jason's comrades, sent me these pictures of the 3rd Brigade Memorial on Fort Lewis (Washington). I'm pretty sure that anyone who knew these men doesn't need a statue to remember them, but I'm really proud that they are being honored in such a way.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

2008-03-24T23:42:00.003+01:00

Okay, I was brainstorming a little and decided that the best way to show people pictures without uploading a billion of them to this site, was to post the link for my most recent photobucket album. As it turns out, when I added the pics from Rome, I didn't realize I was adding them to my existing album, which is other miscellaneous pictures from Africa. So, enjoy the show!! :) [copy and paste in your browser window]

http://s266.photobucket.com/albums/ii259/pongohrkns/?albumview=slideshow

Spring Has Sprung!!

2008-03-20T00:53:00.002+01:00

Yes, I know. I'm absolutely atrocious at keeping up with this blog. It could be worse, though. I immensely enjoyed visiting my family at Christmas. It was nice to see everyone, but it was a whirlwind visit for sure! I flew into Georgia to visit with a friend and see some of Jason's family. I'm so proud of my amazing brother-in-law. He'll graduate in a few months and then join the Navy. He's grown up so much in the (just under) three years that I've known him. From GA I went to Alabama to see my dad, and the rest of my family. Of course, I had to make a quick run to TN so that I could see my mom and catch up with my best friend Juli. I'm really blessed to have internet and a U.S. phone line in Africa, but there's nothing like plopping down on the couch across from an old friend to have a heart-to-heart. Before I knew it, I was on a plane back to this country I'm (temporarily) calling "home."
Now it is already spring and only about 3 1/2 months left in the school year. All the signs of spring are here: greenery, love, babies and allergies!! The greenery actually got here in January, because that when it rains here. (Though we actually had a nice rain shower today!) It has continued to get more beautiful in the areas that contain flowers and foliage. Our yard, which is heavily populated with trees and flowers, smells so nice!
Love is in the air, too. My roommate and her boyfriend got engaged last month and are currently planning a wedding. It's been really exciting to see their relationship bloom since the beginning of the year. They're both amazing people and I'm happy for them! :) I've also been updated periodically about friends at home getting engaged and married. Hmmmm...there must be something in the water!
There seems to be quite a baby boom as well. One of my best friends, Juli, is expecting in May (in the states) and here in Africa, my friend Anne is due in April! There are a few more, too...(I sure hope THAT is not catching!!) :) I'm excited to be a (pseudo) aunt again.
Which reminds me... My precious nephew, Kaden, just turned 3! I can't believe it. He's getting so big and I'm looking forward to being closer to him this fall. It was really neat, while I was home at Christmas, to have him get excited to see me and remember who I am. He has affectionately named me "NayNay" but we have no idea where he got it. I can't help but look for little trinkets for him when I go on weekend or vacation travels. A little present for Kaden actually started the "Bill the Traveling Bunny" saga, which will be forthcoming--with pictures!!
So, it is March and the month has been packed with odds and ends. Last weekend I attended part 1 (of 2) of a Sharpening Your Interpersonal Skills workshop. It was really great, but definitely emotionally draining. It sucked up the whole weekend, yet I know that in the long run it will be very beneficial. This weekend is long because of holidays, and I'm helping with a local youth conference. That too, should be rewarding in its own special way. In the course of the next month, we'll finish up our third quarter at school, I'll celebrate my 27th birthday, attend part 2 of the workshop, and head out for a Spring Break!! :) I've been really fortunate to do some traveling during my time here. Being on this side of the Atlantic already, it cuts a lot of costs and makes these little vacations possible. I'm not finished with my world travels, yet, either. Unless I get a divine neon sign advising otherwise, I'm making plans to teach for 6 weeks in China this summer. It's conversational English in a city about five hours from Beijing and all of the expenses will be paid (I may put out a little of my own money and try to make it to some kind of Olympic game!!). But after China (and visiting some friends, stateside) I hope to take the GRE and eventually start grad school in January. I want to get my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from a school in Chattanooga. Right now, my heart is leaning towards working with military families. Now, of course, that sounds like a lot of planning over the next several months... it is. I can only hope and pray that I'm following the Father's will. I know I can trust that He'll lead me in the right direction and change my plans when necessary. I've been there and done that!! And while changes can be frustrating in the moment, I know He works all things for the good of those who love Him. After all, "a man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps."

A Higher Love

2008-01-22T19:22:00.002+01:00

Okay, this may have little to do with life here in Africa, but it's been on my mind, so here I blog:
People are human. (duh, right?) People are imperfect. People will disappoint us. Of course we know this. It's probably one of the first things we do learn in life. But even "knowing" this, we still expect more. We expect those we love to be better than that. Somehow, we put these unattainable expectations on our families, our close friends and our romantic interests. We think that if we love them enough, they will not disappoint us. It's alarming and sometimes earth-shattering, when those we love the most, those we expect the most out of, hurt us. It is the most devastating when they are the ones to break our hearts and betray us. So, as things come to mind and happen in my life, God is reminding me of the TRUTH that I already know. Why does He allow people to hurt us? Why does He allow family, friends, and romances to break our hearts? So that we will come running to Him!! There is a thirst and a need within us for love and trust and understanding and intimacy. And each time we look to someone or something other than Him, He has to remind us that we're looking in the wrong direction. Sometimes it's a gentle reminder, a small hurt. But other times, it's a pain that overwhelms us and takes our breath away. He offers us a higher LOVE. A love that will not disappoint and love that literally has NO end--a love that went to hell and back for us. God in His fullness is the ONLY thing that can EVER satisfy that desire or quench the thirst inside of us.

November Rain

2007-11-30T23:06:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know it’s the last day of November. (Well, I started writing then...) There has been plenty to keep me busy this month. I can’t believe how fast the school year is going by! After Ramadan (and fall break) things seemed to speed up in a hurry. My English classes are reading novels and the first quarter is over. The students have brought out the sweaters and scarves…baby, it’s cold outside.

I don't even really know where the time has gone. I'm starting to actually get into a routine in teaching and in life. My stomach has finally (humdullah!=praise God) adjusted to Moroccan cuisine. (the picture is just good ol' couscous...)
I still take lots of precautions to avoid sickness, and there are a lot of dishes that I've yet to taste. In fact, just this week I tried a yummy dish called "s'faa." Sounds simple, right? It's vermicelli noodles, with seasoned chicken (or turkey) & broth, an almond-sugar topping and powdered sugar. If you eat Moroccan-style, you have one big dish and the ingredients are layered. Then, everyone gets a spoon. All the people eating know the rule: Stay in your lane! :) I wasn't sure I would like it with the sweet/salty combination. It was REALLY good!!

Fun things have happened around here in the last few weeks. While most of you were scarfing down turkey, I was sitting in the airport, waiting to be filmed as an extra in a movie---with Leonardo DiCaprio!! It was crazy, really. Early in the year I went in to an open casting call with my roommate. They took my picture and I filled out a form... no big deal. My roommate heard back really fast, but I never did, so I figured I never would. Well, a week and half or so before Thanksgiving I got a call wanting me to come in for costume fitting, then shooting. I wore my own clothes (a skirt suit that is brown with pink pinstripes) and they said I looked perfect when I showed up at the costume fitting. I came in that way for shooting and no additional work was needed! WOW! What a compliment for Hollywood to tell you that!
The day itself lacked some excitement. There was a lot of sitting around and a lot of standing. But I did get filmed (as some random person standing outside an airport) and I was within only a couple of yards of Leo himself! A couple of my students were cast as well...they were SO exhausted at the end of the day. Very cool, though. I'm not sure when the movie is coming out, but it's supposed to be called "Body of Lies." Look for me!
I did wrap up Thanksgiving Day with a yummy meal with friends, though. It was a nice day and ending with a viewing of "Elf."

In other news, I've felt a calling to serve as a leader in the youth group on campus. I was at home with them from the very beginning. They are some of the most amazing young adults I've ever met. I'm also hanging out with the senior high girls as they 'branch' out weekly. We're looking at body image and what it really means to be Created Beautiful. They are so awesome--I love them! We recently had a girls' night with pizza and chick flicks. It was a lot of fun ;) I'm also really enjoying building relationships with some of these outstanding women.
So, you see, life is good here in Africa. I'm looking forward to going home for Christmas and seeing my family, but I do love what I'm doing here. There are always challenges in teaching (anywhere in the WORLD!) and in adjusting to the culture, but it's really amazing to be here.
I am learning more and more about who God is, as well. Just as I was beginning to see before coming to Africa, He's showing me that HE IS IN CONTROL. Just when I think I know what to expect, He surprises me. He's brought me friendships that were unexpected. He's kept enough hurt in my life to remind me that He is what I need to rely on. He is still my strength. It's not easy. I never thought it would be, but sometimes I hoped. :) But the difficulty makes us turn back to Him, because He's the only thing that can really heal the hurt. Sometimes He chooses not to. But everything He does is so that He'll receive the glory that He's due. That's what I'm learning...

Time flies when you're having fun!

2007-10-04T10:06:00.000+02:00

I can't believe it's been over a month already! We've had a long 5 1/2 weeks of school here, with Ramadan coming so early in the year, but it's been really good. We have a much needed fall break coming up next week and it will be a great time to get some R&R. :) I'm definitely feeling more 'at home' here. Language classes won't start until after break, but I'm getting by on a few words and phrases. Just this week I went into the grocery store by myself and successfully completed all transactions. It's very thrilling, I tell you.
Classes are going well, also. It's an adjustment for me to teach middle school students, sometimes. I know it is a time of transition for them and they struggle at times. A large percentage of my students are African and native to this area (within about a hundred mile radius, I guess), some students are American (mostly the children of other teachers), and some are International. The native languages are French and Arabic, but some also speak Berber and a dialect unique to this area that is a collaboration of French and Arabic. The students start learning English when they begin school here, so, for the most part, they can understand me just fine. We have regular grammar books and class sets of novels for literature.
Yep, I'm adjusting just fine and I think this year is going to be great. Around this time, I do miss fall leaves and football games, but this is an amazing experience and I'm loving every minute of it! :)

First Solo Taxi Ride!

2007-09-26T19:59:00.000+02:00

Oh my goodness! I can't tell you the sense of accomplishment that comes with taking a taxi alone for the first time. There are two kinds of taxis here. Inside the city are the petite taxis. They are red and fairly petite :)
Outside the city limits are the grand taxis--they are white, but not so grand. They are slightly larger than petite taxis. Apparently, since they're a wee bit bigger, the local drivers take that as a license to cram people in like clowns in a circus car. It is quite normal to have two people in the front passenger's seat and four grown adults across the back seat. The route from our house to the school involves both taxis. I am usually with my housemates, Bethany and Emily, when I make the trek to school (that is if I don't ride with my roommate Rebecca, who has a car). We walk around the corner and catch a petite taxi to the city limits, then get in a grand taxi to the roundabout at the hill below the school. Most of the taxi drivers speak predominantly Arabic, and I'm not that great with it. Emily has been learning words and phrases since January, and even Bethany had the three weeks of training to get ahead a little, so they usually speak to the taxi drivers when I am with them.
Well, after a some ongoing stomach irritations, I decided to get a doctor's opinion. Rebecca drove me there Monday afternoon and translated. She wanted me to go into the lab for some bloodwork on Tuesday morning, on an empty stomach (don't worry, it's nothing serious!). I could not expect anyone else to miss school for this excursion, but I would have to go in late because the lab didn't open until 8:30 a.m. So I got a substitute for my first two classes and planned my route. I decide to walk to the laboratory, since it was in walking distance. It took about fifteen minutes. That was the beginning of my pride. I walked up the stairs and let them take my blood (boy, he got right to work!) and paid, using what little French I know. Then I went back out to the street and hailed my first petite taxi--ALL BY MYSELF!! :) I told him where to let me out and used phrases like "straight ahead" and "this is far enough" and "thank you" (in Arabic, of course!). Then I climbed into a grand taxi....it was interesting, that's for sure. But he took me to my stop in a very crowded taxi and I paid him and then I got out. I walked up the hill with a huge smile on my face. I know it seems silly, but it was a big step for me. Yay me!!! :)

Emily Goes to Africa

2007-09-20T11:07:00.001+02:00

Wow!! I can't believe it's been almost a month already! :) It has been so amazing. My first international flight was definitely an experience. JFK wouldn't let us leave ATL when we were scheduled to (because they couldn't accommodate our landing) so we sat in the plane on the ground forever before take-off. When we finally got to JFK, I had missed my direct flight into North Africa. I was rerouted on Air France through Paris, which put me getting here about twelve hours later than scheduled. I was "traveling" for over 24 hours (counting from the time I left my dad's house until I got to my new 'home'). It was definitely exhausting. When I did finally get here,

I discovered my bags didn't :( [Thanks to everyone who suggested putting a change of clothes in my carry-on!] Everything worked out, though, because the bags arrived the very next day.
The funniest thing about arriving here was that my first "African" meal was...Pizza Hut!! Yep. That's right. It was really good, too.
My new home is really awesome. Our 'house' is in town and located inside a gated, walled area. It has two separate apartments that my teammates and I share, my roommate and I on one floor, and our friends on the top floor. We each have our own bedroom (and bathroom) and share kitchen, living and dining space. There are big windows all over the house and two just in my bedroom. They have nice, decorative ironwork outside the windows that looks really cool. Wooden window coverings roll up and down (on the outside of the glass) for privacy, but we can also open the windows (and the wood 'blinds') for a nice breeze. The yard is a beautiful garden that was a very welcoming sight; it's so nice to look out and see the roses.

I had to hit the ground running, because school started just two days after I got here. Things were a little chaotic at first with scheduling and all the 'first day stuff' but we're all smooth sailing now. The kids are absolutely amazing! I love them! I teach 6th & 7th grade English, as well as a Journalism elective. I have about 25 kids in each class section, with the exception of electives which have only about 8. Most all my kids are really sweet and I love how they say 'hi' when they see me on campus ;) I am working with a great set of colleagues as well. Everyone has been so welcoming and eager to help me get settled. I have a lot of new friends already.
The first weekend after school started, the guys hosted a chili cook-off (men cooking) with pirate costumes as a fun afterthought. My teammates and I embraced the theme and enjoyed a little dress up, though I must admit we are rather 'girly' for pirates!

I'm slowly, but surely discovering the city and the country. I'm even hoping to see some of Europe. I know a lot of adventures await me this year and I'm looking forward to each memory I will make. [Thanks to everyone for their 'thoughts' and support--I love you!]

Our Story (testimony)

2007-08-16T16:36:00.000+02:00

Testimony of Emily Harkins ~ August 15, 2007

My name is Emily Harkins. I'm a high school English teacher. I've lived in three states in two years. I'm twenty-six years old. And I'm a widow. But just a little over three months ago I was a soldier's wife.

I never wanted to be a military wife. When my high school boyfriend proposed and then joined the navy I thought I could do it. But after months of not seeing each other, I decided that was NOT the life I wanted for myself. Apparently, God had other plans.
When I was 24, the lady who babysat me when I was little set me up on a blind date. She'd insisted, during some earlier conversations, that I meet her stepson. On July 30, 2005, Jason showed up on my doorstep, flowers in hand. We knew the night we met that God had put us together for a reason; we knew that we would get married. Although he was active duty military, I trusted God to teach me how to be a military wife. Over the next several weeks after we met we continued to seek God's will. After one week together (while he was home on leave), Jason went back to Ft. Lewis, Washington. Although I was busy in Alabama, we talked every day and prayed together every night before bed. We saw each other less than two weeks over the next three months. In December of 2005, Jason officially proposed, though we were already planning an April wedding. It was about this time that God needed to remind me who was in control. Jason went to Ft. Bragg, North Carolina on the 3rd of January to try to get into Army Special Forces. A week before the selection process was supposed to be over, I came out of church on Sunday night to a garbled message on my cell phone. I heard the word "hospital." After a few minutes of panic, I got in touch with Jason. He'd fallen into a river, gotten hypothermia, been dropped from Special Forces, and was recovering in the hospital. Once I determined that he was okay, I realized what this ultimately meant—he was going to Iraq in June—6 months!! I put in my two-week notice on that Tuesday, we got married on Saturday, he flew back to Washington on Sunday, and two weeks later I moved to Lakewood to be with him until he deployed. I had become a military wife.

Looking back I'm still amazed at God's hand at work in our lives. He used Jason and I to bring out the best in each other. For me it was awe-inspiring to wake up on Saturday morning and see my husband sitting at the dining room table with his Bible and study materials spread out before him, eagerly digging into God's word. I was jealous of his commitment to learn even more, but it was a GOOD jealous. He made me want to be more like Christ. For Jason, my influence came without me ever really knowing. Jason's step dad and brother have told me on several occasions how my presence affected Jason's life. They insist that after the first day we met, Jason was a different man. Of course I take no credit for that. Jason had accepted Christ as a teenager but, as many do, lived a lukewarm Christian life. When he decided to go active duty military, he was stationed at Ft. Lewis and deployed to Iraq in 2003 for a year. Being a Christian is hard enough, but being a Christian in the military is even tougher.

Jason felt like he was born to be a soldier. Now, as our life together was just beginning, we prepared for his second deployment. He never failed to tell me how much he loved me or thank me for my support. Five months after we said, "I do," I drove Jason to the base at 3a.m. I tried to be strong for him; I'd already cried an ocean of tears. The first few weeks were the hardest. He called as often as possible to tell me he was okay and that he loved me. We were surprised to learn that he would get his two week leave (R&R) early in the deployment, and barely three months after he left, he was home again. When our two weeks were up, we had another tearful goodbye—even harder than the first. This time we knew it would be at least nine months before we would see each other again. On October 6, 2006, I hugged my husband for the very last time.

Days, weeks and months passed. I felt like I was being a faithful wife and servant. I tried not to complain about the deployment, but there were, of course, hard days. I missed my Jason and told him so in each conversation, letter and email. Around March or April we found out that his deployment had been extended. The battalion would not be stateside again until September/October. Though it was frustrating for everyone, Jason and I kept a positive attitude. We encouraged each other and gave each other hope for the future. We knew this separation would make our marriage stronger; it would bring us closer to God and to each other. Jason always talked about how much we'd appreciate the holidays we had together after spending so many apart. He talked about having babies and told me to start planning the honeymoon we never got to take. Even though he wanted to come home to me, he never REALLY complained about his job. When it was too hot, too cold or too dirty, even then he wanted to tell me all about his day (as much as he could). He truly loved what he was doing.
I used to worry about him A LOT. Every time I heard of a casualty on the news, I wondered. Every time I heard a knock on the door, I jumped. Jason promised that he was being careful and that he would be home before I knew it.

On Sunday, May 6th I slept late. I was exhausted from chaperoning a school dance the night before and I couldn't seem to get rested. Looking back I guess my body knew I would need the extra sleep. Even when I got up, I was sluggish. That afternoon, around 4 p.m, Scout (my friend) and I were watching movies on the computer when I heard a knock at the door. By now I had come to expect a salesman or a religious solicitor. But when I looked out the peephole I saw two men in Class A uniforms. My mind raced and my heart stopped. There was really no need for words. I knew my life would never be the same.

Jason was loved and respected by his peers. He openly and unashamedly studied his Bible and shared the gospel with his comrades. He was in Iraq, not just fighting the physical battle of war, but a spiritual battle as well. He was not just a soldier for the US Army; he was also a soldier for Christ. For Jason, it wasn't about politics, about being Republican or Democrat. It wasn't about whether the U.S. was right or wrong. It was about doing what he felt called to do by God. He died a true hero, not just for his military service, but also for his service to our Lord.

Earlier in the deployment, on March 17th, Jason's platoon as involved in a firefight just north of Baghdad. After it happened I remember telling Jason how many people were praying for him and that he must be surrounded by an army of angels. He told me he had proof that God was taking care of him and he'd show me when he got home. He never told me (because he didn't want me to worry) but he told his dad; a bullet had lodged in his helmet during that firefight, but there wasn't a scratch on him. Shortly after that, I got a call from another wife. She said she and her husband wanted to make sure Jason knew they sent their thanks and appreciation. When I asked her what she was talking about, she told me Jason had saved her husband's life by pulling him to safety while they were under attack. Whether it was because of that or just because of some conversation he had, that bullet in Jason's helmet is evidence to me of God's perfect timing. I could have lost Jason months before I did, but there was something that God needed him to do between March 17 and May 6.

Jason and the guys always quoted a line from the movie, Gladiator: "What you do in life, echoes in eternity." I am certain that Jason's eternity began with the words, "well done my good and faithful servant" and because of the way he lived, his eternity is in Heaven with Jesus.
Some days are still really hard for me. It stinks! Being a Christian doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't mean my heart's not broken. But when I get sad about my loss, I think of Jason's gain and all the ways God is using his death to bring glory to Him. God has given me amazing strength through this. He's showered His grace and mercy on me and I want nothing more than to serve Him. I want everything I do to bring glory to Him. I never knew what that meant until this happened to me. Knowing the price of freedom in America firsthand has helped me understand the price God paid for our freedom in salvation. He gave up something that He loved more than anything—His son—for the greater good. For us. I know I didn't get that choice, but I've made my sacrifice as well. Please don't waste either of them.

I waited over ten months for my husband to come home. Now he's waiting for me, in our eternal home in Heaven.

(I wrote these "lyrics" before Jason died.)

Get Used to Goodbye (The Military Wife)
This isn't how, I pictured my life
Though I always knew, someday I'd be a wife
When I looked into the future I saw,
Something quite different, not this picture at all
I wanted a house, way up on a hill
A cat and a dog, a backyard with a grill
A husband who came home, every night
Curl up on the couch, dinner by candlelight
When I think of those dreams, all I can do is sigh…..
…I get used to goodbye
It's never easy and it's always sad,
Sometimes I cry and sometimes I get mad
He's doing his job and he's doing it well
Deep down I know that's why….
…I get used to goodbye
Three hundred forty five days of the year,
I crawl into bed and I wish he was here,
He writes and he calls, as much as he can
But I still miss his kiss, and the touch of his hand
I get down on my knees, before I get into bed
And I pray, "Why, God, why….
Must I get used to goodbye?"
It's never easy and it's always sad,
Sometimes I cry and sometimes I get mad
He's doing his job and he's doing it well
Deep down I know that's why….
…I get used to goodbye
My father smiles down, as I pray every night
His love showers me and His arms hold me tight
[He says] "You're doing great & your doing my will
My child you know that's why…
…you get used to goodbye."
It's never easy and it's always sad,
Sometimes I cry and sometimes I get mad
He's doing his job and he's doing it well
Deep down I know that's why….
…I get used to goodbye
He may not be here, but I know he's mine,
He shows me he loves me, all of the time
War cannot shake, the love that we share
And I don't regret this burden I bear
Distance can't break, the vows that we've made
Our fears are relieved each time that we pray
Others ask how and want to know why….
…I get used to goodbye
[I say] It's never easy, and it's always sad
Sometimes I cry and sometimes I get mad
He's doing his job, and he's doing it well-----
It's never easy, and it breaks my heart
I cry every time that we have to part
A soldier for freedom and a soldier for Christ
My best friend, my husband, and my sacrifice
It's worth all my tears and I can't deny….
…I'll gladly get used to goodbye
I'll get used to goodbye

©Emily Harkins 2007